Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
