okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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