He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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