ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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