why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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