Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have tasted many bathrooms
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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