This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
