Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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