I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
