so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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