nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
