Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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