but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize