Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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