you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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