i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
