There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
