I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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