I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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