That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I deserve this hangover.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
