Got a toothbrush?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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