Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
