Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
