they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
