using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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