My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize