On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
