at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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