I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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