Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
