...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize