there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize