My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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