Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
