i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
so much tequila, so little girl.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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