I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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