Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Houston, we have a blender
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
