idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Me. At least after what I've been through.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
