You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
