I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
not ubering you a puppy
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
