Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
