lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
