just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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