Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
