remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
