i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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