I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Boobs speak an international language.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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