if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
