I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
