i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
