my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
