Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
