its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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