Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
