I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
