Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
