apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
