my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
