If i come over, it means nothing
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
