he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
